You think Shakespear made all that bullshit up?
Right now, see, there was this here duke that once found a copy of the real A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Man, that wasn’t pretty; our boys were scraping his brains off the alley walls for the whole of the next two days. Probably they had tougher or thicker skulls back then in the Bard’s days or something. But my point is, this shit’s hardcore; apparently it summons up some fuckin’ faeries or something.
What, you wanna learn this shit? Man, I dunno… well it says here, gimme a sec… bloody creases, what… “takye ye a hat-full of wimmen…” Oh blazes, I’ll read the computer printout.
Right, now, seems like you need a hat full of menstural blood, goddess know how much a hat full is, probably one of those old pointy witch hats or something. Then you need to mix it with some… human fat, and make that shit into soap. Wash your pubes with that for a bloody week, then shave it all off with a silver-bladed razor. Right. Whatever. Now you take all those cockhairs and then you stir it into a cup of semen culled from a pure-bred horse. What. The. Fuck? I ain’t wanna know how the bloody hell you do that.
With your cup, approach an empty street and drip a drop of your blood into the mixture, then splash that shit onto the wall. Oh fuck, so that’s what the stain on the wall was… Christ alm-, yearghhh… And some of it got on my motherfucking hand!
And oh, seems like you need a copy of A Midsummer’s Night Dream too. When you’re spilling the horsegunk on the walls, you gotta be burning a copy of the bard’s yarn. We didn’t find any burning books near the duke, that’s probably what did him in. Sucks to have a half-complete ritual, eh? When all’s said and done, a fuckin’ faerie or something’s supposed to come up and probably suck your cock or whatever it is you want to be doing with fairies.
Urgh, I need to wash my hands again…
Oh shit this is supposed to go into Rituals, apparently I clicked the wrong thing, yarghhh! Can someone delete this or move it into the correct section? Or is there some way I can do it myself?
It is in rituals, no worries. When you post a new entry it displays it with all the other recent ones, which can be confusing. Just a site bug I can’t fix yet.
Oh, whew, alright. 😀 Anyway, some stats for the faeries (if the ritual’s at all successful):
Notes: A faerie’s about as tall as the width of your hand, and fast as heck. They are NOT friendly folk who have the laugh of a silver bell or a cute little smile, and would just as fast stab you in the eye than (or then) grin at you. Faeries, by nature, are a sullen folk that answer to nobody but themselves; by the same token, nobody’s quite sure who created them or where they come from, but that could be said of quite a fair number of things. Unless you got some proper leverage over them, have fun trying to stop them from ripping out your auditory canals.
Faeries all have the skill Curdle Milk And Patchy Fleece at 45%, unless it’s higher than their Soul stat. With a successful roll, they can spoil almost any animal product with a mere glance. Guess they weren’t much loved in the Middle Ages, huh.
Faerie stats are already covered in PoMoMa, if you didn’t already know. Of course, they’re not exactly your traditional faeries any more than your UA demons are your traditional demons, but they behave in much the same way.
Ooops, didn’t know that; sad but true fact that the only UA book I own is the 2nd ed source book thanks to the sad state of my gaming stores around here.
The above stats for a faerie is more or less inspired by a Pratchett book by the name “Lords and Ladies”, if I’m not wrong, only they’re called elves in that book.
Actually, truth be told I just wanted to do a ritual that involved soap made from human fat, so… uhmm… yeah. =P
Other than the statline dispute, there’s no reason why this couldn’t summon one of the PoMoMa faeries, esp. given how they actually work…
Yeah, this comment’s unlikely to be seen, felt it bore saying whatever.