Nuclear weapons could save ytou from the Cruel Ones, if the Russians were right

Hug a Nuke

Ever seen Doctor Strangelove? Where the guy hugs the nuke as he rides it down? Well, he’s got a good reason to do so. What’s that reason? Buy me another pint.

To get rid of his soul. It’s a noble enough cause. Researchers at Soviet Science City fifteen found that the soul was an incredibly complex electromagnetic manifestation. In the same experiment they found forces they could only call “God” and “Satan” were gathering the souls of those who fell on their side of the coin into giant electromagnetic weapons. When the apocalypse comes those weapons are going to be detonated. Whichever has more power will leave the remains of creation with a spiritual version of ground radiation which will slate the world that will colour the way the universe is when it is remade. The whole spiritual real-estate will end up like Chernobyl, but rather than radiation mutating cells, it will mutate everything closer to it’s ideal.

These scientists discovered that the blast from a conventional nuclear weapon, most notably the electromagnetic pulse at ground zero, was enough to disrupt the electromagnetic signature of a person enough that it would not be absorbed into either side. The place was mostly closed down, but the scientists still run detonations, strapping people to nukes who don’t want to be used as a weapon for either side. There’s a bar there with pictures of people as they take their last drink before riding the big one.

Does it work? How the buggery should I know?