The ritual the Mak Attakers used to frotz the Y2K bug!
So everyone knows the Mak Attakers squashed the Y2K bug, somehow, with a major charge from somewhere. What nobody knows is how they got this charge…. But me, I heard it from someone who’s really in the know. As major charges go, it’s pretty easy to get if you know what you’re doing.
First, get yourself a 1955 Nash Rambler with under 10,000 miles on it. Make sure it’s in good shape, because you’re gonna be putting some miles on that thing. Next, get the Rambler to San Bernardino, California, birthplace of the original McDonald’s (as owned by Dick and Mac McDonald’s before Ray Kroc bought ’em). Find a Mickey D’s in that town, drive to it with the top down, and order your choice of items from the following menu:
Hamburger
Cheeseburger
Fries
Coke (not Diet)
Shakes (chocolate or vanilla)
…As this is all they had available when they opened up. You must order a full meal, which is to say, a beverage, fries, and some form of burger. You must also sit down and eat it outside, eating every last bit of it. (Needless to say, you may not ask for substitutions; McDonald’s didn’t start offering customizable burgers until the 1970s, so if you hate pickles, tough on you, bud).
Finish up. Drive to the next closest McDonald’s between between this Mickey D’s and Des Plaines, Illinois, the first place where Ray Kroc opened what is generally considered the first TRUE McDonald’s by corporate history buffs. Order another meal from the same menu, eat it outside.
Lather, rinse, and repeat until you get to Des Plaines. Missing any McDonald’s within three miles east of your current location will cause the ritual to fail (meaning you’ll take a tortuous route, creeping from McDonald’s to McDonald’s). You may not eat any other meals. You may not cast any other spell while doing this, though channelling certain Avatars (the Pilgrim, for example) may be okay if it’s in flavor; my sources weren’t real clear on that.
Also note that this ritual does not prevent you from malnutrition, so you’d better do it quickly. Having a mechanic along and a supply of parts in the trunk would be a Good Thing.
Anyway, once you’ve covered all 2,100 miles of the trip and arrive at the original McDonald’s, go to it; it’s now a museum that serves no food, but if you’ve done it right upon arrival they will hand you a serving tray with a Big Mac, a Happy Meal (with a ty Teenie Baby), an Arch Deluxe, an EggMcMuffin, and a Filet-O-Fish sandwich. Eat that in one sitting, and the major charge is yours.
That made me sick just reading it. Good job.
As painful as it sounds, it’s still pretty cheap as major charges go…I’d use it for some other nefarious purpose.
What they don’t tell you is that the glove compartment has to be filled with Happy Meal toys…
Re: malnutrition
I once read an article about a man who holds the world record for most Big Macs eaten. AFAIK he’s lived the last 30 years or so of his life on nothing but 2 Big Macs a day.
But then again, that burger is not counted in the canonical list. So malnutrition may indeed still be an issue.
Hmm.
The question left unanswered, that I’d hate to answer by experimentation and get wrong:
Does it kill the ritual if you puke?
Morgan Spurlock, potential imitator?
I used this in a game once, instead of using physical location I used chronological location. There’s a lot of research and planning to visit every McDonalds that’s still in business in the United States in order.
The benefit to this variation is that the PCs can easily be in the right spot to go to the opening of a new McDonalds