You want to know what I saw, huh?

Trust me. You’ve seen them. You can be walking to the bus, and it’ll be there, watching you from a sewer drain. Hiding in a shadow, middle of the day, they’ll be there, watching you.

When I saw my first one, I worked for the phone company, and did a job in a sewer pipe, trying to get to a junction box some asswipe had hit with a stolen VW Beetle.

We had big worklights up, and some kliegs for good measure, out by the LA river’s viaducts, and had just gotten to work, when I took my five-minute break. Can’t smoke underground, so I made it to an exit before I lit up.

There was this shadow, by my lunchbox, under my glove. From inside the shadow, there was this thing. Looked like a pair of sunglasses on it’s face, but I just knew that it just had these… shiny eyes.

Crawled out of the shadow, and stole my favorite hammer, a wingnut, and two pairs of pliers. Before it left, it made this weird little bowing thing… like it was really glad it could just kipe my stuff, y’know?

Wait.

You think I’m fucking kidding?

Hey, up your’s, pal. I don’t need your condescending bull, so.. hey. I got an idea.

You don’t think they’re out there, do you?

See, I figured out what they do. When you leave something you like in the dark, or something you keep close to you, they kind of… home in on it, like a tracking signal. If you really want to keep your stuff, you gotta fight for it, ’cause once they know you know they’re real, they like to fuck with your head, and make you work for it.

This your wallet?
Nice picture of the family. Wife, kids, dog.
Love ’em?

Prove it.