… least of all you. Here’s why:

You know the Voynich Manuscript, right? Yeah, the one that turned up early last century written in some weird fuckin’ cipher with some bizarre illustrations. Yeah, well nobody’s ever been able to translate the thing. It turns out there’s a very good reason for that.

Y’see, the one that’s sitting locked up tight in the Yale library is a fake. Some Bookworm stole it in 1986 to get that special, once-in-a-lifetime charge, and she put the fake in its place to allay suspicion. Thing is, though, she couldn’t make the fake too real, otherwise the one she stole wouldn’t be one of a kind like she needed. So she made one that looked similar, but was just nonsense – no meaning in all that weird writing. No one can translate it these days ’cause there’s nothing to translate.

What about before? Well, it turns out that’s even better. Y’see, it turns out the Manuscript is written in a real language, not some code or something, but it’s the language of some country in Europe that doesn’t exist any more. Not conquered by the Russians or anything like that – it’s literally not part of the Earth, and hasn’t been since it faded out of the collective consciousness. Something to do with an Ascencion, I heard it was the Messenger.

I don’t know – maybe it’s still there as an Otherspace, and there are millions of people there who’d be happy to translate the thing for a bit of cash and a chance to see somewhere else.

Of course, that assumes you can find the original Manuscript. And don’t blame me if there turns out to be nothing useful in there after all…