Crossing boundaries is always best with company ….

There’s always a point where I go too far. I can feel it coming, when my fist impacts your face like putty, when the dog stops whining, when the other people stares at me in shock, trying to disbelieve what I’ve done. I can feel the lines. Right and wrong, good and evil, smart and stupid, pleasure and pain – all of them, and more besides. Some things don’t even seem to have lines, but there are boundaries even there. Sanity and insanity, reason and unreason, love and hate.
It started when I pissed in the pool, when I was six. We’d been told not to, but I did it anyway. Everyone saw. Everyone left the pool, and my mother screamed at me. Perhaps it was then. Or when I was twelve, and masturbated in front of the class for show and tell. Or when I was ten, and ate a handful of live bugs just to prove I could. I was fourteen when I first cut myself. A knife, red hot. My own personal tattoo, on my arm.
Mom made me wear long sleeves. She took me to a shrink.
All I learned from her was that it’s the people who think they’re in charge who are more messed up than anyone else. They’ve seen real power, some of them. And they turn their backs on it. She told me she’d done crazy things when she was young, to get attention. But it’s not about attention. It’s about Power.
Real power lies in going too far, in going where other people won’t, saying what they won’t say, doing what they’re too afraid to do. She’d had sex with her father, and her brother, and let her mother know. She’d had power, and she ran away from it.
It’s what the shrinks do. Them, and cops, and anyone else. Authority exists to take away power by giving them power. Only those who want to abuse it last in it, because it feeds them. So they make laws, and lines, and signs. And those with real power cross them.
Sometimes it’s a step. Sometimes it’s more. Sometimes you get gunned down by fully automatic weapons in front of kids at a playground. Sometimes you start screaming one day and never quite stop. It’s about pushing things, and seeing if they push back. Bending them. Breaking them. Watching things just give way under your word or action.
I’m not sure where it will end. I could cut my fingers off, or my ears. Or cut into my face and let everyone see what we all look like inside. Get a sex-change operation, and then a change back. I don’t know. I don’t know how far I can push the boundary before it tears. The light the religious freaks speak of when they die; that’s one. But I want to do it and live to shove that into the faces of all the cowards who hide behind laws, and order, and normal.
I want them to see the prisons they’ve built for themselves, and hear the sound as the walls come tumbling down.
I want to go beyond all boundaries, to the places where power has no meaning, and be free.
I want to go beyond my freedom.
I want to go too far, and never stop.
And I want you to come with me, to see what I can show you. It’s not hard. We can screw in public, to start. A threesome, if we can get one. Anymore and we’d be called a cult, or something. No. We just need to journey, and let everyone else be voyeurs.
Trust me. It’s like sex, but it goes on forever.
Let me take you to real power, beyond the boundaries.
All we need is laughter, and love, and time, and perversity.
Come with me and go too far.
Do it. I dare you. Step over a line, and live.