There were giants on the earth, in the old days …

Everyone knows there’s a lot of silly theories about Bigfoot out there. One of the best is that they’re the Nephites, the giants that the native americans wiped out ages ago, mostly. It’s all bunk, of course. The nephites are among us. They’re larger, dark, filthy, and loathsome to look upon. That’s a lie, of course. Well, they are, but I know the truth.
I’ve seen them born. I’ve seen them made.
It starts small, with the children. Trapping them in one place. Keeping them indoors. And then the adults, as well.
Couch potatoes.
All of them. Really nephites. Fatties. McDonalds consumers. You know the type – you might even be one. The TV is breeding them. All that transfat nonsense is just a cover – the companies don’t really know why their food is making people fat, and sedentary, and sluggish. The truth is that they’re trapped, prisoners. They’re being bred, to be the giants of this age, the grotesqueries of the modern times.
It will end when they can’t leave the TV. When they will watch a blank screen as intently as the latest TV show or commercial. Then the test patterns will speak to them. And the giants will waken again, in the information age. They won’t need to move, much. They can do everything online, everything the TV will demand of them.
The new god will rise, and the nephites will serve it. Don’t change the channel – throw your remote through the TV. It’s not too late. Really. It’s not – oh, sorry. I have to go. My show is on. I never miss Futurama.