Oh, What mighty plans little kittens plot

You’ve probably heard of bonsai kittens by now, a web site that talks about how to mold and shape kittens into various shapes by making them grow within various glass jars.

This isn’t that, the real bonsai kittens look, act and behave for all intents and purposes like normal kittens, except for a very small label somewhere on their belly which has washing instructions, and the country of origin (most say MADE IN PRC or MADE IN TAIWAN, though recent cheap knock-offs have emerged from mexicoand latvia, but these kittens tend to decompose after a few months) written on it.

A Bonsai kitten is entirely artificial, but isn’t a clockwork or a weird epederimancy experiment, but something completly different, some rumours label them as ultra top secret experiments by the chinese government or a rogue chinese scientist, Some lay the blame at the feet of chinese nationalists living in taiwan, or just say it’s the latest version of Sony’s Eibo toys.

The Kittens (except for the Mexican and eastern european knock-offs) are most noticable because they never age or die through old age or illness, they are all house broken (though a rare few aparently never defecate, but these explode after a few months, owners of non-defecating Bonsai Kittens should contact their supplier for either the repair or replacement of the faulty models) and are great with kids, having the same amount of health points as the person who last bought them for cash.

They follow the will of the last person to buy them using the current currency of taiwan, a fact many of the suppliers don’t tell their prospective buyers, and use their position within households to rob and steal items of interest or value to the supplier.

The damn things have started to flood the market since christmas and the sleepers are getting anxious, especially after the occasional reports of cruel suppliers being eating by their Bonsai kittens have started to come to light.