Rumours, lies and speculation. Admit it – you love these things.
If you deposit six hundred and sixty six dollars at an automatic teller at one minute past midnight, the devil can hear you talk to the machine. He’ll make it print the answer to a question on your receipt.
Ley lines are the remains of an alien mass-transit system. The pyramids still provide power to it, but some of the lines have shifted over time, and some are broken.
The Fortean Times is published solely so that the Secret Masters can see who might be interested in uncovering their secrets. If you’re serious about looking into weird stuff you shouldn’t read it. In fact, don’t even let a copy into your house.
None of the contestants on Survivor have birth certificates.
The Internet allows humanity to realise its true divine potential. All the countries on Nationstates.net exist in parallel universes, and everything ever said on the Net becomes true somewhere.
Bees know the secret of how the Universe was created. Honeycomb is actually a macro-scale sculpture of the lowest level of matter.
It’s not the Golden Arches that sucks your soul. It’s the Coffee Club. Seriously man, everyone knows that place is evil.
More people walk out of every ‘Personal Development’ seminar than walked in to it.
Street lights are actually spirits that have bound themselves to a certain spot to protect people. Anyone who’s ever knocked out a street light has killed an angel, and deserves to die for it.
Cities are proprietorial. You either own part of a city or it owns you. The homeless are the city’s slaves, and they don’t even know it.
Don’t ever eat your own thumb, man. Nasty shit happens. For starters, you don’t have a thumb any more…
There’s a guy on the Gold Coast who sells drugs that let you talk to ghosts. He’s always around during schoolies week.
There’s a secret cult that controls the city council. All the bus drivers are members.
Most buildings in the CBD have a human body sealed in their foundations. Late at night they talk to each other.
dude!
you’re so out of touch.
you need to deposit 616 dollars to talk to the devil. if you add the fifteen dollars, you get a wrong number – some donald guy. but he’s okay too.
but it’s quite obvious why you’re mistaken – you forgot that the secrets that the bodies under the building are affected by the corporate lies that are embedded into the stone& cement fabric. so don’t believe ’em.
Stupid Hell and it’s stupid area code changes…
yeah, but if hell ever runs out of phone numbers, cold callers will rise up from their graves and walk the earth looking for brains and fabulous long distance call rates
Always keep the reciept you get from the teller. You never know when the IRS knocks on your door.
you mean they knock on the door to the coffin?
blasted bloodsuckers!
There’s something in that: Have you ever seen an agent of the IRS eat or drink?
The one about Survivor rings true somehow…
The more and more you think about Survivor, the more and more it all makes sense. Remember that baker dude that Survived the Titanic? Maybe somebody decided they didn’t like him.