Have you ever spoken to one of the cashier people at that little crockery shop with the special clientele? Well here’s what they might say…

– every three hundred or so days a homeless person explodes in a shower of light and sparkles that blind anyone who witnesses it. No one knows why.

– African miners say that beneath the earth’s crust is a layer of wirring cogs and gears known as the mechanosphere, they say the whole setup is what really makes the world go round, and that if someone were to undestand how all the peices fit together and interact they’d be able to tell the eventual fate of man kind.

– Everyone has a small piece of ceramic that springs into being with their name on it at the moment of their birth. If someone touches the bowl with their name on it and doesn’t buy it they will die of mysterious circumstances within 7 days.

– Scientists have recently discovered a chemical reaction between a certain type of china tea cup, boiling water and freshly shreded tea leaves that causes the bits of tea to form patterns that foretell the future. The scientists say the trick is to drink almost all of the tea before the reaction runs out of steam.

– A certain chinese vase contains the spirit of Ghengis Khan. The warrior spirit contained in the vase causes it to materialise in the nearby location of certain fights between good guys and bad guys. Unfortunatly, the vase is always humorously almost knocked over by the bad guys, forcing the good guy to play a strange game of trying to keep the vase from breaking. the hero does this because they know that if the spirit is ever released, it will punish the world for continually using it as a comic prop.

– The whole “and the cow jumped over the moon” song/nursery rhyme is in fact an early interpretaion of an apocalyptic prophesy, all of the events in the song are metphors for what will lead to the end of the world except for the bit about the fork running away with the spoon. All the spoons and forks of the world will disappear on the penultimate night, along will all the dinner plates and mechanical egg whisks.

– The iraq war was actually started over the Bushs’ long distant ancestor of hundreds of years ago having lent an early kind of punchbowl to their then next door nieghbour, Saddam’s long distant ancestor, for use at a dinner party. The punch bowl was never returned until a crack commando squad entered Saddam’s palace during the invasion and took it back.

– They say that eating a toby jug that depicts a famous person will allow you to be indistinguishable from that celebrity for 24 hours or whenever the toby jug works through your system. If the person who eats the toby jug dies before the jug wears off, they are forever stuck looking like that celebrity, but dead, obviously. This is the real origin of the “paul is dead” rumours.

– everyone has a ceramic egg that is right for them. It’s hard to explain what’s ‘right’ about the eggs, but you’ll understand what I mean when you find it.

– After Satan suffered his first psychotic break, he locked himself within an ashtray made by your first born, the one you keep as a momento of the kid’s childhood.

– There is in fact that a single small wax apple that stars in most still life paintings that are made in Manhattan, on the morning of september 11, 2000, someone accidentally took a bite out of it. a year later to the hour, the first plane hit the twin towers.

– Vases are in fact little psychic dampeners that stop flowers from secretly controlling mankind, people who spend too much time in the out doors near unvased flowers eventually become eco-terrorists designed to soften up mankind for the day when the flowers make their move.