The greatest UA MacGuffin since the Knocking Box
“Adolf Hitler is said to have at one time possessed the largest collection of nude paintings in Europe. Intelligence documents have also revealed him to be quite addicted to the dirty stories that were run in Nazi rags as a sop to the horny underclasses. And Eva Braun famously took home movies of Hitler at play on holiday. And, you know, they were down in that bunker quite a while.”
– panels and explanation from warrenellis.com
Who wouldn’t want to get their mitts on this? The most immediate benefit, of course, would be to an Iconomancer of Hitler, if such a person exists. But frames from the film could be used in the construction of some pretty major clockworks, pornomancers could find some new moves, and cliomancers, videomancers, cryptomancers could all certainly find uses for it. Even if you’re a normal and Ol’ One-Nut getting his rocks off means less than nothing to you, this is one hell of a bargaining chip.
And all this assumes that the film itself hasn’t been turned into an artifact, which it has great potential for. Maybe it’s an “antidote” to the transformations wreaked by the Naked Goddess tape, or probably something much more perverse and degenerate. Perhaps the hapless viewer develops an insatiable fetish for pushbroom moustaches.
Of course, there’s always the possibility that there could be a Grail Knight who took Old Man Nigh’s last line a bit too literally. The other members of the round table would be shocked and horrified to find out their contemporary’s definition of holy, but then, discussing the nature of the Grail is forbidden, isn’t it?
And that’s just scratching the surface of what can be done with this. There’s so much symbolism packed into this puppy that it’s a mystic A-Bomb. OU types cheat, kill, steal, and die for no reason other than that they seem to like it. Toss in video evidence of Eva Braun having her back passage bothered, and times get mighty interesting.
For those interested in the continuing story of the Hitlerporn, and for those who just like good things in general, I heartily endorse Warren Ellis’ Desolation Jones (Issue #2 on sale now!). It’s the hot sauce.
You don’t even want to know what Hitler did with the Gestapo Sausage with the picture of the fallen maddonna with the big boobies by van klomf hiden inside.
Of course this does leave it open to possibility that the first NG was Eva Braun who was ousted when the Second one ascended and may still walk the earth to this day.