Some of these are based on actual events…

1.) In the countryside, every orchard has a man with a assault rifle guarding it. It’s his job to keep menstruating or pregnant women from coming within sight of the orchard or all the fruits there goes sour and rotten… vegetables prefer growing for women more than men though.

2.) After coming from a funeral, dont ask the owners to sprinkle you with clear water. take off all your clothes while under the roof and sleep there for the night. Within seven days the house you visited will be haunted by the spirit of the person whose funeral you attended.

3.) There’s a man in the ICU of a Chinese Hospital. He’s been there for as long as the nurses and doctors can imagine but only one nurse ever sees him and guards are posted at his door 24/7. He looks old but his eyes look young, he’s restrained and gagged. Though he never talks and at the first oppurtunity he’ll try to escape the hospital. But whenever he’s asked any question he always writes his answer “3200… 3200…3200… 3200…”

4.) If you or someone lost something within sight of woods or a forest. Go into it at night between 10 and midnight with the moon clear in the sky. Sing the first song you knew as a child, after you can ask No one in particular for whatever was lost back or something else in return. If you ask for what was lost it wil be returned within minutes If you ask for something in return, you get a set of numbers. in seven days you will win exactly 100,000 bucks in the Lottery.

5.) Someone did the above on a new moon. When he got nothing he swore at No one in particular and minutes later some-things got him. He hasn’t been seen since.

6.) When you piss on a huge tree, ask for pardon from the tree. if not your dick gets twice as huge as your head in the morning after. When you piss on a huge boulder, ask for pardon. If not, your first born child will be born still born and come back for you later…

7.) Dont eat at sidewalk vendors… not any hot dog vendor, not anybody, statistics from the Dept.of Food and Agriculture prove that 3 out of every 10 vendors like nothing more than for you to die from eating what they sell. If the doctors get you, it’s all over.

8.) What you know: A Filipino invented the flourescent light bulb and the Moon Rover used for the Lunar landings.
What you heard: His last invention was a coffee machine that every astronaut in the world today is terrified to leave Earth without. It was pattented in 2009.

9.) A kid I know in high school watched “Reality Bites”, “Spartacus”(the original), and “Yentil” 99 times in a specific interchanging order. Afterwards He/She/IT became a Godwalker for the Mystic Hermaphrodite.

10.) I can tell you your Future on Tuesdays and Fridays. Don’t ask what will happen if I read you on Sunday, or I’ll fucking feed your sorry ass to the Worms.