Because you can’t spell “Halloween” without “fnord.”

The 666th frame of every Halloween-themed movie, cartoon, or TV special depicts a basement with a corpse moldering in the corner; these frames are often removed from the final film, but one can find them on occasion. There’s a Videomancer who collects them and puts them in order based on the age of the film they’re from. He says the corpse is obviously moving from frame to frame.

“Fun size” candy is made to proportions found in occult theorum; f’rex, a fun-size Snickers bar has the exact mass of the alchemical formula for a universal acid. It’s all a matter of substituting one substance for the other.

If there’s a full moon on Friday the 13th in October, you can catch a free Super-Sized Mojo. “All” you have to do is be in the presence of an honest-to-God ghost while standing in the moonlight at 11:59:59 P.M.

“Monster Mash” is the story of the guy who ascended as the Mad Scientist. No, that’s exactly how it happened.

The only time you can call up a demon without repercussion is on Halloween. You have to summon the demon at the exact time it died, however.

Here’s a ritual I heard about: Go out and trick-or-treat. Count up how many calories are in the things you get (yes, that includes stickers, toothbrushes, or those dumbass Jack Trick anti-Halloween comics) and keep the tally on a sheet of graphite paper. In about 30 minutes or less, eat all the stuff you’ve picked up (yes, that includes stickers, toothbrushes, or said stupid comics). When the 30 minutes is up, if you’ve got the calculations right (to the nearest 100 calories) and ate fast enough, you’ll vomit up nuggets of gold, one gram per 100 calories.

You know the easy ghost costume? Next time you have trouble with pesky soul-suckin’ monstrocities, just pull on a sheet and cut out some eyeholes. Creatures that gnosh on soul can’t stand the outfit.

I know this epidermancer who likes to do that “this is the witch’s brains…” game. Except he uses his own body parts to play it. Real hoot at parties.

Never play “Tubular Bells” (…yeah, the Exorcist theme) in a church after dark on Halloween. It’s just not a smart idea.

Dance in the graveyard. It’s a great idea, you’ll see what I mean when it happens.

You can’t commit suicide at a really good Halloween party. If everybody is enjoying themselves–everybody–then no matter how horribly you mutilate yourself, you can’t bring down the party. I know this epidermancer who does it to get his super-charge. Yah, it’s that same epidermancer.

Caramel apples sap magic charges without the adept noticing his power’s draining ’til he’s suddenly short a jolt of the good stuff. Stay away from them.

http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=3294&p=7 What they’re talking about here–it happened to me, I swear. Scariest motherfucking thing ever, and I’ve seen an unspeakable servant.

http://cavernsofblood.com/ There are at least three links on the “caverns of blood” site that lead to three-page-long algebra equations. If you solve each equatio nand write the answers down on a brick wall in an alley, a gate will open to the real caverns of blood. Play through the game until you can beat it without restarting, however–because the decisions are based on the actual Otherspace, and a wrong choice in the real caverns will kill you dead.

The “Doom” movie? It’s actually pretty good. I promise. …well, I liked it.