Here’s some heavy shit coming straight from the rectum of enlightenment

There’s an old guy in my neighborhood who goes up to the corner store and buys a gallon of skim milk every day at exacly 3:00. Nobody knows why, but he also always smells of gasoline–even though he doesn’t own a car.

A cabal of cliomancers called the New Millenium History Group engineered the Iraq war in an attempt to create more sites to garner major charges from. A planted rumor here, a brain-rinse there and Bob’s your uncle. Abu Ghaib was one of the results.

Speaking of cliomancers, no cobweb farmer has managed to visit Little Big Horn and survive.

The Comte de Ste. Germaine is currently assistant manager at a convenience store in Mankato, MN.

There is NO SUCH THING as the Eye Biting Man–it’s a reference to a joke about a series of bar bets with a man with a glass eye and false teeth. Get a grip, people!