Making magic out of slovenliness…

The Box of Marvels – An cardboard box filled with old (late-80s/early-90s) Marvel comics. The comics are all in terrible condition, but are mostly readable. Occasionally you’ll find pages missing, or that comic and cover have gone their seperate ways. The comics are all really annoying to read – part 13 of 29-part storylines, complicated crossovers with dozens of references to other books, or X-Men. Down near the bottom is a torn-off Doctor Strange cover. The good Doctor is gaping at something off-panel, looking like he just crapped his jammies. A typically hyperkinetic splash bubble reads “The future of the universe lies… In the CLUTCHES of the CRUEL ONES!!!!“. The issue number is, natch, 333. Search as you may, there’s no corresponding comic. Anywhere. The interior and back of the cover are your usual comic-book ads.

Bowling Pin – A well-abused neon-orange striped bowling pin. When placed upright on any surface, it cannot be knocked over. Makes a swell doorstop.

Replica Gun – An Airsoft model pistol from Japan. The trigger is broken. The gun looks like an obvious replica, except when in the presence of law enforcement officials, when it looks exactly like a real gun. If the trigger is pulled when cops are within earshot, a loud gunshot rings out. Several minutes of close examination – say, in an evidence room – will reveal that it’s fake. Great for kids!

Fuzzy Pac-Man – A fuzzy, stuffed Pac-Man toy, about two feet in diameter. Roughly circular objects in the same room that could fit into Pac’s mouth (about a foot and a half) disappear when nobody’s looking. The smaller objects – pills, mints, d20s – go first, eventually moving up to tennis balls, baseballs, CDs, plates, basketballs, and human heads. Wakawakawakawaka.

Death Star Pez Dispenser – A black Pez dispenser topped with everyone’s favourite space station in miniature. When filled with peppermint Pez (tough to find), it can be fired by pointing it and making a “Fweeyew” noise. It uses your gun-weilding skill, and does damage like a gunshot, with a maximum damage of only 20 – But the victim must make a rank-2 Unnatural check for being zapped with a for-chrissakes Pez dispenser. Each zap uses up a candy, so a full “clip” is twelve shots.

Happy Hour – A Chick tract on the demonic evils of drinking, how it ruins families, and how Jaysis can help. Anyone who reads more than the title must make a soul check, or else for a day they cannot drink. Anything. The poor bugger simply forgets how to swallow liquids – He can get it in his mouth, swish it around, but attempts at swallowing come to naught. Helplessness and Unnatural checks are in order. Dipsomancers will want to find somewhere to hide until it wears off.