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Marvin Wharnsby, Impotent Investigator

Clueless street-level TNI magick detector on the trail of the Woman in Red.

Mr. Wharnsby was picked up by an unbelievably gorgeous woman in a red dress at a bar where he had gone after a failed blind date to get mind-numbingly drunk. After getting singled out by the woman she escorted him back to his place for several hours of unbelievable mind-blowing sex. In the morning she was gone. And so was his ability to get it up so to speak.

Apparently She had somehow stolen is ability to get ‘hard.’ Marvin soon became desperate to regain his manhood. At first he tried medicinal remedies such as viagra to restore his performance, when none of those cures worked he started seeing specialists. Despite his money nothing could be done by medical science even after getting a surgical implant, which did nothing to stem his bodies complete lack of interest. In the midst of these failures Marvin began to search for Her everywhere.

In the end he discovered two things: one was that he could get spontaneous erections in the presence of mindbendingly weird shit, and two when that weird shit stomps you down and ties you up with tentacles of slime for its blind mistress of pain to ritually sacrifice in a bath tub filled with ammonia, how lucky you are that a bunch of guys in raincoats and surgical masks chose that moment to break down the door, kill her, and rescue you.

Somehow Wharnsby managed to end up in the service of a secret army of hit-men, freaks, and lawyers. If only he could figure out how to get some action, things would be cool. Unfortunately he usually only experiences the proper stimuli moments before everything goes crazy which is incredibly frustrating to say the least.

Now, Marvin works for The New Inquisition as an occult dowsing rod. He has an unnatural talent to detect magickal disturbances in his general vicinity which is incidentally the only way he can get aroused anymore. He finds himself moved around a lot as different teams need to track unnatural creatures or home in on Adepts. He’s been attempting to arrange for a liaison with a female adept within the organization but has so far been unsuccessful at convincing his superiors of the need for hands on “research.”

Unlike many of TNI’s D-level recruits he has yet to actually need a new identity, and at least on paper appears to have been hired by a high paying corporate web-design company. He still has occasional if brief contact with his old life.

Personality: Marvin is driven by sexual frustration. He never had much of a sex life before he hooked up with the mystery woman but now that he’s seen how good it can be combined with his inability equal one

Obsession: Finding the Woman in Red (see LG&M page 79) so he can regain his manhood.

Rage: Repeated Failure. Nothing pisses him off more than screwing up twice at the same task, its humiliating and he can’t let it go.
Fear: (Helplessness) Being Robbed. He’s lost one intangible quality and fears what else could be stolen from him.
Noble: Quality Work. Though it all he still wants to prove the superiority of his work.

Body 42
(Ignorable)
Flail Helplessly 15
General Athletics 20
Nebbish 37

Speed 40
(Clumsy)
Don’t Hurt Me 40
Drive 15
Initiative 20
Point and Shoot 15

Mind 78
(Observant)
Conceal 15
E-133tist 38
Investigation 45
Intuit Password 30
I.T. Education 15
Scientific Paradigm 30

Soul 55
(Single Minded)
Exaggerate 20
Magick Rod 50
Talk to Girls 15

Madness Meters: Violence 1hard/0 Failed, Unnatural 1H/1F Helplessness 0H/1F

Skill Descriptions
Flail Helplessly (Struggle)

Nebbish (Nondescript: efforts to meaningfully descript his bland appearance must succeed above his Nebbish skill)

Don’t Hurt Me (Dodge)

Point and Shoot (Firearms skill)

E-133tist (governs computer programing, repair, use, and abuse as well as web-design)

Magick Rod (is the ability to sense the potency and occurrence of magickal or unnatural events or phenomena based on the sort of erection he gets when he’s nearby, roughly equal to his soul stat yards, on a matched or critical success he may also pick up the rough direction of the occurrence at GM’s discretion. Suggestion: minor phenomena produce erections that last a number of minutes equal to the lowest die, significant erections last a number of minutes equal to the sum of the dice, and major last a number of minutes equal to the result of the dice.)
Intuit Password (this is his ability to guess the password of anyone he’s met before or at GM’s discretion when he has dug up enough significant personal information about the person)
Talk to Girls (Charm)
Exaggerate (Lie)

Equipment: Reinforced Laptop Computer, headset, wireless modem, USB hub, USB storage devices, top of the line desktop computer, bulletproof travel case for hardware, multiple cell phones, pager, pair of handcuff keys (one taped to his arm, the other on a necklace), screwdriver, electrician’s tape, wallet, PDA and MP3 Player. Several discs of decryption software, video games, and music. Hushpuppy pistol in holster, bullet proof vest, waterproof rubber jacket, sneakers, and several pairs of gloves.

2 thoughts on “Marvin Wharnsby, Impotent Investigator

  1. Unfinishedbusinessman says:

    Weird NPC I’ve had on my computer since I read Lawyers, Guns, and Money.

    Reply
  2. Mister Lost says:

    I think I went too far with this one.

    Reply

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