A very short (1.2 pages in MSword) story about a child’s first day of third grade.

Today was my first day of third grade. Ms. Ungnosis is my new teacher. She’s very pretty. She has long black hair, and big eyes the colour of cherries, and she laughs all the time unless she’s angry. And she says that we’ll never have to bring our calculators or any of our books to school all year! Ms. Ungnosis also let us play with her doll, Bardus. Bardus is very friendly. He’s bigger than I am, and his head is squishy like mom’s belly the time I pinched it and she yelled because I’d hurt the baby and I felt very bad afterwards but not too bad because it was very squishy. But Bardus’s head is even squishier than that; it’s nice and soft like gooey ice cream. Sam says he doesn’t like Bardus or Ms. Ungnosis very much. He says they smell funny, like hamburger that’s been left out too long. He has a point, but I don’t mind. They’re still good people. I can’t wait to go back to school tomorrow!
We learned about science in class today. We learned that gravity is caused by thousands of invisible hands all over the earth that pull you down when you go up too high, and spank you for it when you get down because you shouldn’t have been in that tree in the first place. Cindy said that her daddy was a physicist, and that that’s not how gravity works, so Ms. Ungnosis had to yell at her and tell her her daddy was stupid and that she shouldn’t question her teachers. Then Cindy started crying, but Ms. Ungnosis knew it was just because Cindy wanted attention so she took her at the front of the class and told us to laugh at her because she wanted attention so much. Then Cindy said that she really didn’t just want attention and that Ms. Ungnosis didn’t have to be so angry just because she was wrong but Ms. Ungnosis could tell she was lying so she told her she wasn’t allowed to play with Bardus anymore. I was afraid Bardus would be sad because he lost a friend, so at playtime I gave him a big hug and told him that I would never be mean to Ms. Ungnosis. That seemed to cheer him up. 🙂
Cindy and Sam brought in books from home today. During playtime they tried to get me to read them, but I just wanted to play with Bardus. They said they were good for me, and that I would learn, but I don’t want to learn because Ms. Ungnosis teaches me everything I need to know. But they wouldn’t shut up about it and they were ruining my time with Bardus, so I told Ms. Ungnosis. She nodded very seriously because she could tell that I was upset and she took Cindy and Sam outside. She took Bardus too, so that the three of them could have a talk. I was sad for a while, but it meant Playtime got to go for a whole hour because she was busy listening to Cindy and Sam sing in the hallway. They’re not very good singers, they don’t even use any words, it was just “Aaarrgghaaaahuhuahuahnohahapleeeznoooahah” over and over again. When Ms. Ungnosis came back, she brought Bardus in with her but Cindy and Sam had to go home. I hugged Bardus because I was so glad to see him again, and his head was even squishier than before! I asked why his head was wet, and she said that Sam had tinkled on Bardus because he got mad! It didn’t smell like tinkle, really, but you never know with Sam.
Guess what guess what!!! During playtime today, Bardus talked!!! He said that I was his best friend ever, and that I should go over to his house for a sleepover tonight. Ms. Ungnosis said it would be alright, and she called my parents, and after school today we walked to Ms. Ungnosis’s house, and Bardus carried me! I bet Sam and Cindy wish they didn’t get expelled for tinkling! Bardus just cut my hair for me earlier, but he accidentally cut it all off. He’s so clumsy! 🙂 Ms. Ungnosis just opened up his head and laughed and said his brains were all used up. I think she’s right, they did look used up. All brown and stinky and soupy and gross. She asked if they can use my brains, so I gotta go. I can’t wait to tell everyone at school what good friends we all are!