Religious rumors, mostly dealing with Christianity, as that’s what I’m most familiar with.

Psychologists have recently noticed that “furries”, people who tend to find a spiritual kinship with a sort of animal, have likely appeared all throughout human history and it just hasn’t manifested the way it has until recently. Now, ask yourself, who’s more likely to tell you not to eat a pig? God, or a slightly abnormal rabbi?*

The relatively harmless euphemism “Gosh” is actually a conspiracy by a secret soceity, determined to dethrone God and replace him with a puppet-deity beneath their complete control. Wince every time you hear a curse on Leave It To Beaver, for the Cleavers are singing the hymnals of the almighty Gosh.

God created man. Noah built a boat. Jesus was a carpenter. Making things is sacred. Emeril L
agasse is likely the world’s most famous chef. The rapture is coming, and we are doomed to drown in garlic, wine and our own inanity.

When the Naked Goddess ascended, she ousted Christ from whatever archetype he was occupying. What is the opposite of Jesus, and how does the world cope with the fact that the Anti-Christ is already here, and he doesn’t even need to be shown his way around?

Jesus died on the cross. A common symbol for Jesus is the letter “X”. The latin name for Jesus is Jesu. Xesu. Xenu. The Thetans own your soul. (As does Lucy Lawless, bosomy prophet of our Galactic Conqueror)

*(No offense intended to furries or Jews. I am not saying Jews are pigs, I am not saying furries are weird. Also no offense intended to Jewish furries.)