When somebody retcons the world, where do you suppose they put the old copy?

Know that Hoteleporting thing you guys showed me? Well, Frank and I been trying some weird stuff with it. Frank’s a big Stargate fan, you know, so he figured out this idea of random dialing to find usable rooms. Didn’t want to try it out on ourselves, of course, so Nettie loaned me some rats. It musta been, like, three weeks before it occured to any of us that the rats wouldn’t be able to get back on their own, even if they felt like it, so then we tried parrots.

What? Of course I can’t get parrots from Nettie! I just got really skinny rats, and some fake feathers, and did this nifty little thing with the larynxes. Trade secret, y’know?

Anyway, after a few more tries, we found a working Key and finally got one of the test animals to come back in the right number of peices. I gently persuaded Frank to try it on the Pigmonkey Mk. 4 instead of just jumping ahead to human subjects – that reminds me, I’ve got to get some new batteries for my stun gun – and, long story short, we took all possible precautions but everything went wrong anyways.

Frank’s missing, and he’s got all the safe Hawaiiverse Gideon Keys with him. The Frank I’ve got looks the same, but he only speaks… well, to me it sounds like Portuguese, but he’s got an Aussie accent, and the Prof says the Linguinator never catches fire from any European language.

I’ve still got a copy of the Finnish-sounding Keys we found. From what I remember about the numerology of it, there can’t be more than a thousand of these places, maybe less than a hundred, and you can tell which one a room-name is from by the linguistic grouping. You know more about linguistics than anybody I know. Anybody I can ask about this kind of thing, at least. I just gotta find Frank, and I know he still owes you half a sandwich…