Hey, kid, I got somethin’ you might want to hear. Bout that Pencil Guy.

See I got some high quality info on that Pencil Guy. You know, the Guy with Pencil’s Stuck in His Eyes. It ain’t off of some git who doesn’t know what he’s talkin’ ‘bout though. It is straight from the horses mouth. I met ‘im. His name is Skip.

Skip is a nice dude. He looks grotesque but once you get used to lookin’ at ‘im and get to know the guy. Well, he’s decent, I’ll say that.

Skip’s up there in the underground, people laugh but he’s more important than you, you or you. I have heard some theories. People are all thrown off. They see this crazy git and boom “He’s gotta be some little section of the big picture. Some tiny, little demographic.” They could not be more wrong. He isn’t channelin’ some obscure bit of the Statosphere. He’s channelin’ all of it. He’s channelin’ the archetype of all of the archetypes. He’s society and he’s the underground. He’s a model of the universe.

He’s mostly normal. I take that back, he isn’t normal, he’s too normal. You know, like Pleasantville normal. He’s polite, kind, good. He wears nice clothes. He has friends but in every way he’s exceptionally unexceptional. I know that’s vague and you’re probably askin’ yourself “What about… you know, the pencils in his eyes?”

I’ll get to it. One more thing.

He’s different dependin’ on who you are. He appears as whatever you would see as the basic, high quality citizen of your little world. Maybe that’s your hometown, maybe it’s the whole country. When he’s in Japan he’s industrious, quiet and honorable. When he’s in America he’s proactive, convincin’ and free willed. When he’s in Britain… you get the picture right? That isn’t where the magick is though, he’s the everyman because he represents the world. But you and I both know that the world isn’t just the surface. No, theres the seedy, scary stuff that makes the ruthless scary people from the surface curl up and cry in their sock drawer.

That’s the underground. And that’s the pencils. They kind of stick out right? Well there you go. Skip, the Guy, he represents it all, the whole general mishmash.

What’s that? What can he do? I don’t know that mate. Maybe he shoots you with the pencils… who knows. Just goes to show you. I explain the big ol’ story, the big answer and you’re all “How do I kill it”. Feckin’ Americans.