Andy Schultz had this posted at his site, though he says he’s not the originator. Whoever it is, I found this highly amusing.
Playing Dungeons & Dragons under the Unknown Armies system
GM: Orcs have thick, brawny necks, but no match for your powerful hands, and it feels good, it’s a visceral thrill to feel those neckbones separate and snap. But you’re distracted from your pleasure by the nagging yelp of one of the smallest orc warriors. “Pawgma!” it cries. “Pawgma! Pawgma!” It’s familiar, one of the few orcish words you know. It means “Daddy . . .” Rank three Violence check!
PLAYER: Dammit. I knew I shouldn’t have taken orcish as a language.
This was written by Greg Stolze on the UA list. I remember this very well. I made sure to save it as well. I love this.
Ah, that’s who wrote it. Now I’ll go change the page to attribute it properly.
Hm. Brutally killing an orc seems like it’d be a higher Violence check. The little Ork screaming daddy, I think would be more of a self check- Naturally, I wouldn’t kill a good, family man…
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