The Occult Underground is rife with Schools that glorify travel and transport. If it’s not the Odomancers and Viamancers waxing lyrical about the call of the open road, it’s bloody anoraks who think trains are a viable form of magick. But it’s the Sabbatomancers and the hoity-toity Jet Set, who have deluded themselves into believing that travel is fun who really take the cake. Travel is not meant to be enjoyable; it’s supposed to be arduous and soul destroying, and the Minor School of Fessusurgy exists to make sure you feel the pain.

Emerson said, “It’s not the destination, it’s the journey.” Maybe that was true in the 19th century, when a voyage across the Atlantic took a leisurely week or more. In these fast-paced days of mass transportation, the journey is absolutely the worst part of the trip.

You see, the universe likes things to stay where it put them; that’s why inertia exists, duh. Can’t have stuff just whizzing off all over the place. Next thing you know, you’re looking around and saying, “Where the fuck is that thing now? I swear, I put it right here a decade ago.” So too with people – because the universe isn’t much impressed by the fact you’re animate and “sentient”. Cosmic rules exist to keep people in their place, to discourage them from straying too far away too fast.

Take a look at the denizens of any airport, long-distance bus terminal or train station. Sure, those arriving are happy, but that’s because the unpleasant experience of getting here is behind them. It’s more of an overwrought, hysterical happiness really; a thank-god-that’s-over frenzied relief. If they have a return journey, the knowledge that they’ll have to go through all that again will gnaw at them throughout their stay. Look into the eyes of those just embarking on a journey and you can see the despair creeping in.

Sure, there are the First Class passengers and others who think they can subvert the will of the cosmos by throwing money at the problem. It’s too bad for them that Fessusurgy stands ready to enforce nature’s dictates and make sure they’ll wish their arse had never left home.

For the purposes of charging, spells and taboo, a “journey” is a trip that takes at least two hours (which may include waiting times) and ends at a location geographically distinct from the point of departure. Commutes, if they occur on a predictable schedule, do not count as journeys, even if they fit the other criteria.

Ω: 1

Domain: Delays, frustration, inconvenience, mass transport, and anger.

Generate a Minor Charge: Make someone’s travel experience even worse. Regale your seatmate with mind-numbing stories about your family/past trips/colonoscopy (bring pictures, they love that). Eat a limburger or garlic sausage sandwich in a poorly ventilated area. Steal someone’s boarding pass and toss it in the trash. Delay the complimentary beverage service by making incessant demands upon the flight attendants. Switch luggage labels. Get that 6-year-old hopped up on Pixy Stix before he gets on the bus. The effect that you have must be over and above the usual hassles of travel; those on the receiving end of your ministrations should be mildly traumatized. For each three hours that you spend doing this, you gain a charge.

If you pull this on a First Class or other discomfort-avoidant asshole, or if an encounter escalates to the point that security escorts you from the premises, or you’re assaulted, then you get an extra charge. Thank you for your service.

Note that you don’t actually have to travel yourself in order to charge; you can hang around the airport or terminus and charge without ever getting on a transport. Obviously, TSA jobs are a popular choice for the aspiring adept.

Taboo: You can’t have a pleasant travel experience, even if it’s a short trip in a car. You’re going to want to purchase the cheapest no-frills option when travelling long distance and refuse any upgrades or complimentary extras. If your flight gets delayed and the airline comps you a hotel room, you should refuse it and camp out in the terminal instead. Scooch your car seat forward until your knees crunch painfully up against the dashboard, refuse air-conditioning in summer and heating in winter, and you might want to just turn the in car media off, lest your fellow passengers beat you to death when you fire up your Tuvan throat singing playlist.

Starting Charges: 8 Minor

Minor Spells

Jet Lag
Cost: 1 minor
It’s the time zones that causes jet lag, of course; this sort of thing never happened in the old days. Whammy someone with this spell and it’ll administer a swift kick right in their circadian rhythm, knocking it severely out of whack for a number of minutes equal to the casting result. While under the effect, the victim suffers concentration lapses, dizziness, nausea, anxiety, fatigue and irritability, leading to a -10 penalty on any task that requires mental acuity, which typically includes magick use.

On Schedule
Cost: 1 minor
Mass transport is very well timed and regulated; hell, standardized railway time was implemented in the 19th-century to co-ordinate train schedules, and greatly influenced standard timekeeping all over the world. Cast this simple spell while looking over a bus timetable, train schedule, or airport arrival/departure board, and you’ll gain a Hunch for your next Pursuit or Fessusurgy check.

Upgrade
Cost: 1 minor
You’re not in the business of making travel pleasant, but you can make it a little less onerous, if you wish. Cast this spell on a lucky person, and they’ll get a nice upgrade of some kind, such as a bump to First Class, the bridal suite, complementary food and drinks, etc. Of course, these things require balance, so someone near the upgraded recipient is going to get severely shat on by the travel gods – even more so than usual – to the point that they’ll suffer a Self-3 check before their journey ends. Obviously, you can’t charge off this spell and you’ll taboo if you use it to upgrade yourself, though not if you’re the one who suffers.

Boarding Pass
Cost: 2 minor
Often, in order to make someone’s trip unforgettable, you’ll need access to areas or transports that require you to have a booking, ticket or reservation. Cast this on a piece of paper and any person or machine that evaluates such things will register it as a valid access pass, booking or reservation to that place or vehicle – such as an aircraft, cruise ship, concert venue, exclusive restaurant, theatre or the like. If you need to display corroborating identification, the spell will sync up with whatever ID you use so that they appear to match. Despite getting you past an access checkpoint, maître d’ or usher, the spell doesn’t actually reserve a space or seat for you, so you’re on your own for the rest of the caper.

Cabin Funk
Cost: 2 minor
Being in a confined space with an an offensive odor is not high on anyone’s list of fun experiences. Cast in an enclosed space no larger than an average hotel room, this spell will stink up the place like a skunk detonated inside. Anyone who doesn’t have an obligation to stay (like a security guard) will clear out fast, retching and probably calling for a janitor. The smell isn’t harmful and lingers for a number of minutes equal to the sum of the casting result, before disappearing as mysteriously as it manifested.

Engine Trouble
Cost: 2 minor
Of course, a major part of mass transportation are the vehicles, and there are so many ways for those finicky, fragile machines to fail. Cast this on a vehicle and on its next trip – or current trip, if it’s already in motion – it’ll suffer -20 on all Pursuit checks and take 20% longer to reach its destination. if you achieve a Matched or Critical success, the vehicle’s engine fails (though never in a way that causes injury) and it will be inoperable until major repairs are undertaken.

Lost Luggage
Cost: 2 minor
Every hour of every day, hundreds – maybe thousands – of pieces of luggage go missing in transit. Sure, a lot of that is stolen, but some just falls through the cracks in reality, like socks in a washing machine. Cast this while thinking of something that could plausibly be found in a lost piece of luggage; something common, small enough to fit in a suitcase, and able to pass a security scan at an airport luggage check in. You’ll then find a suitcase, backpack or the like in a plausible public location – such as a hotel closet, car trunk, under a bed, on a bellhop trolley, etc. – that contains the desired object, along with a miscellaneous assortment of clothing, toiletries and suchlike.

Paint Your Wagon
Cost: 2 minor
Yet another clue that people are not meant to move about is kinetosis, or motion sickness, which occurs when the brain registers a difference between actual and expected motion. When someone strays from their appointed location, you can punish their effrontery with this spell. Cast on a target in a moving vehicle (car, airplane, train, etc.) it ‘ll cause them to upchuck the contents of their stomach. The spell will ensure that they’re not able to grab a sick bag or open the window before it all comes out. If there is another person within arm’s length of the victim, they’ll throw up on them – because misery loves company. If the victim or the unfortunate recipient of their vomit is operating the vehicle, they’ll have to make a -10 Pursuit check or briefly lose control of it.

Security Check
Cost: 2 minor
Most people have something to hide, and this spell ensures that whatever it is comes to light. The spell is only effective when cast on a target when someone who has authority over them (such as their supervisor or a law enforcement officer) is nearby. If the target has some suspicious object on their person, the authority figure will spot it and question them, engaging with them for a number of minutes equal to the sum of the casting result. Depending on how the target reacts, things may escalate beyond the scope of this spell. If the target doesn’t actually have any contraband, then the spell plants something on them that appears suspicious but isn’t, such as a toy gun, baggie of talcum powder, block of plasticine that looks like C4, etc.

Subject to Confiscation
Cost: 2 minor
Some of the things that you can’t bring onto a commercial aircraft these days may seem silly, but rules are rules. Target someone with this spell and anything that they have on their person that wouldn’t make it through a TSA (the gold standard) scan disappears. This includes weapons, anything flammable or explosive, a wide variety of chemicals, sports equipment, alcohol over 70%, and over 3.4 ounces of liquids, gels or aerosols. The contraband simply ceases to exist for a number of minutes equal to the casting result, then reappears in a neat pile at the spot from which it vanished.

Unavoidable Delay
Cost: 2 minor
Sometimes waiting makes the situation worse, but it can’t be helped. You may reflexively cast this spell when you or someone else needs to make a Stress Check; the effect delays the check by a number of hours equal to the lower of the casting result digits, but changes the meter to Helplessness and increases the rank by 1.

Lost in Translation
Cost: 3 minor
It’s tough being somewhere you don’t comprehend the language, and this spell makes sure it’s as bad as it can get. Hit a target with this and all the language they see or hear is filtered into Volapük for a number of hours equal to the units of the casting result. Unless the victim somehow happens to be an obscure 19th-century constructed language enthusiast, they’ll probably freak out and suffer an Isolation-4 check.

Traveler’s Markup
Cost: 3 minor
The travel industry is fine-tuned to take advantage of its clients; everything costs more when you’re traveling, for no other reason than to make your life miserable. Target someone with this spell and whenever they spend a magick charge, they must also make a Status check; if they fail the check, then this spell leeches an additional minor charge from them in order to make their magick happen. This surcharge effect lasts until the victim gets a good night’s sleep or one of the victim’s effects fails because they can’t pay the surcharge. The spell actually uses the surcharge to continue powering the leech effect; it can’t break down significant charges into minors, so it only affects those minors that the victim already has on hand.